


Until Dusk

by whovianphangirl67



Series: Dawn and Dusk [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Lance (Voltron), Angst, Angst and Feels, Blood and Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Galra Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Original Character(s), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-02-10 21:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12920160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whovianphangirl67/pseuds/whovianphangirl67
Summary: {Sequel to At Dawn}After the mission on Zryraz, Lance has forgotten everything, leaving Keith caught in unrequited emotions. To ignore the turmoil of his feelings and dangers of his Galra side, he leaves Voltron to join the Blade of Marmora. Keith and Lance and the rest of Voltron seem to drift apart even further. Everything seems doomed, but a pull stronger than any curse may just pull through.(Continues with season 3 and 4 very loosely and then goes off canon story)





	1. Hesitation

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the wait! I had to figure out how to make a series and it took me awhile. On top of that, my school work has been burying me under so I have less time to write. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!
> 
> Instagram: victuri_screech  
> Tumblr: whovianphangirl67

_And I don't blame you dear for running like you did all these years_   
_I would do the same, you'd best believe_   
_And the highway signs say we're close but I don't read those things anymore_   
_I never trusted my own eyes_

_~_

It was now almost a year since Keith had been at Zryraz. He looked around at all the mountains. It gave him both good and terrible memories. It was the last place he had expected to be for the  _final_  battle. Whether it was truly the last one, Keith didn't know. 

However, it was the dubbed name as they settled in the last touches to the plan. While Kolivan explained their roles, Keith's eyes drifted to a certain red paladin. His hair had curled at the edges due to the mist hanging in the air. Hair was also plastered along the nape of his neck. Leading Keith to notice a few sporadic, round bruises that bothered Keith endlessly. He looked like he was in deep conversation with Hunk. Like something was troubling him. Keith turned back, focusing on the plan. He couldn't let his emotions distract him. Even if it hurt him to ignore it.

But with everything he saw, he couldn't help but recall the past year. Starting from the day the started the beginning of his departure from Voltron. From all the mistakes he had made, all the victories he had achieved, and all the missed opportunities lead him here. One question lingered on his mind.

_Had this even been worth it?_

-le flashback-

Keith turned around unable to stop himself. Lance was leaning against Coran. Even though he still looked tired, his eyes widened once he saw Keith's face. Keith almost broke at the idea of Lance being scared of him. However, Lance's face just turned to concern and confusion.

"Since when could you do  _that_?" He laughed softly, "How much have I  _missed_?" But then he looked around to see everyone's reactions, only to see their faces filled with fear. His lighthearted face fell. "What's going on?" 

Low in Keith's throat, a deep growl emitted, causing Lance's face to fill with...  _worry_? Keith tried stopping himself, but it was like his body was on autopilot, shoving Keith into the corners of his own mind.  _Healing pods don't heal magic._  The curse still lingered in Keith. Just as the curse had wiped Lance's mind. Keith could tell he couldn't remember. Just by the way he looked at Keith was different... just like before. A small little creak sounded behind him. 

Keith swung his arm back, catching Shiro's arm. His eyes widened as Keith kicked him back with a force that definitely broke ribs, judging by the loud crack. Mentally, Keith cried out, but nothing stopped. He turned back to Lance. For some reason, it was Lance that the curse had its attention on. Or it did until Keith's eyes landed on the marks underneath Coran's eyes. Then his course shifted just slightly. No one but Lance noticed. 

Although he was weak and drained, he pushed Coran away. He stumbled forward trying to get Keith's attention.

Keith mentally cried out,  _Stop! You're going to get hurt!_ Lance's face twisted in confusion, almost as if...

The shorter paladin gripped his claws into a nearby chair wrenching it from the ground, tossing it at Lance. However, with whatever Keith had, he was able to cause it to go of course, missing Lance by a millimeter. With Keith pushed back, he couldn't feel his body as much as usual, but he noticed his vision was blurry and his cheeks felt hot and slick. He didn't know when he started crying, but he hoped it got the message across that he didn't want to hurt them. They were his only family after all. 

"Keith, buddy, this isn't you! I know it isn't! Please stop!" Lance rasped, dodging the blade Keith had let go of too late. 

_I'm trying_ , Keith wanted to say. He remembered the last time this had happened, it was Lance to break him out of it. Unfortunately, as he had been thinking, Keith's body had flung another chair at Lance causing him to fly backwards, now unconscious from the blow. Coran was definitely sleep-deprived as he moved slowly, but he managed to fill a syringe with a tranquilizer.

Just at the mere sight of the needle sent Keith even further under to a state of almost unconsciousness. It reminded him of what Myble had done. His fear seemed to be what fed the curse, but Keith couldn't beat it. He was constantly scared. Without being able to hinder his body's actions, the Galra knocked the tranquilizer from his hand, causing the glass to shatter. He picked Coran off the ground by his throat. Coran scrambled, kicking and clawing, but slowly weakening with each second. 

Suddenly, a chair slammed into his back. Coran slipped to the ground, dazed and wheezing. The Galra turned to see Allura holding a chair threateningly. Her eyes looked almost feral with fear and tears of her own streaked across her cheeks. As much as Keith was mad from earlier, he felt bad about making Allura this scared. Who knows what she saw when the Galra empire destroyed her home. 

He fought with Allura for quite some time. She was as strong and skilled as he expected her to be, but Keith was quicker, more experienced. It didn't take much time to pin her down, holding a blade to her throat. She cried, squirming in his grip. Keith tried stopping himself, but all he could manage was holding himself in place. He looked Allura in the eyes and took the rest of his strength to speak.

"S-s-stop me... I can't... Curse," Keith tried to push through, but the more he tried, the more tired he got. Allura stared, her face twisting to express a new emotion that Keith couldn't place. He raised his hand. Just as it began to fall, he shifted it just enough to knock Allura out with the handle, instead of slitting her throat.

_Keith..._  A familiar voice rang out.

Keith turned around to see Lance. He wasn't unconscious as he thought, but he might as well have been. Another gash ran across his face to match the scar on his cheek. It was just above his eyebrow. He had did that. That was his fault. 

He must've made a face, because Lance replied with, "Ah, it's not that bad. I've been given worse, Keith. Just calm down. It's okay. Come here." 

And there was that look again. The one that made Keith fall for him. Like he thought Keith was worth any amount of pain. He even smiled, looking at Keith as if he was normal.  _I don't deserve it_.

Still, Keith fell to his knees. Lance slowly shifted his way to Keith and took his hand and placed the other on Keith's cheek. A simple squeeze of his hand grounded him back into control. Keith broke, sobs racking throughout his whole body. Lance attempted to calm him down by humming something that was all too familiar, but his face was twisted in confusion as if he didn't understand why he was doing it. God, he was a  _monster_. He could've killed his friends. He had done exactly what Myble warned he would do. He wished he'd  _died_. That way Lance wouldn't have gotten hurt  _twice_. 

Lance had began to pull Keith into a hug, but he pushed him away, leaving Lance staring strangely after Keith. He was running somewhere subconsciously. Keith wasn't paying attention to his surroundings and was caught off guard when he ran into a wall. A really soft wall, anyway. He fell back onto his butt. Looking up, he saw Hunk covered with a variety of stains smeared across his apron. Keith expected Hunk to bolt in fear, but he instead helped Keith up.

"Are you okay, man?" Keith looked at his hand in confusion, but saw it was his normal pale tone. It probably had something to do with Lance as he usually had that effect on Keith. In the distance, Shiro called out his name with a groan. He looked back up at Hunk. "If you need to hide, we can go to my room or the kitchen."

"You don't know what I just did... Or what I could do to you, too."

Instantly, Hunk said, "I trust you. You wouldn't hurt me unless you had a solid reason to."

"Lance is awake." Keith added, knowing Hunk would probably would want to go to Lance. His brown eyes flickered to the direction of where Lance was. He looked back at Keith, as if he was examining his face.

Hunk replied firmly, "You need me more. He'll have the others." He gripped Keith's forearm and dragged him along.

"But he's your best friend," Keith supplied.

"So are you, Keith." Hunk turned briefly to give Keith a warm smile. They stopped by the kitchen first. Hunk grabbed a plate of an assortment of space food and handed it to Keith. Then they were on their way again. They were about to pass his room when Keith decided to stop.

"You should go." Keith looked at his door, thinking about what he'd just done. "I'll be fine. Besides, I know Lance will be wanting to see you."

"But-"

"Go. Please. I appreciate the food." Keith went into his room closing the door before Hunk could say anything. He felt bad doing that to Hunk, but he always reacted like that around people. He was always scared of being cared for and then suddenly rejected.  _Like with Lance_ , his mind supplied. He shook the thought away. That was a different situation. He set the plate on the small table next to the door. He shrugged his jacket off and placed it on the hook above it. Keith just sat on the edge of the bed. 

He buried his face in his hands. He felt too tired to cry anymore. The pain settled in his chest, leaving everything else strangely numb. Everything just seemed to go wrong. Everyone would hate him and be scared every time he'd be around. Lance forgot everything, leaving him alone. No one to share his grief. Marf was dead, Kleas was gone, and Keith was left with love that was unrequited. He should've talked to Shiro when he had the chance, but now he ruined it all.

Keith began to head to the door, thinking about training to relieve his complicated emotions. However, he stopped, too scared to run into the other paladins. The bed on the other side of the room seemed a lot more comforting now. So, he sat back down. He pulled his Marmora blade out, pondering. It seemed so dark compared to his pale skin. 

Suddenly, the door slid open without any warning. He hastily stuffed the blade back in his pack. "Hunk, I said go awa-"

"I'm not Hunk," a voice spoke softly. Keith whirled around to face Lance. He was still clothed in the suit for the healing pod, but he had his jacket over the top of it. His feet were bare as well. His eyes pierced through Keith's facade, seeing every issue he had upfront. "I suppose, I should tell you thanks." He shifted his weight uneasily, but not uncomfortably.

"For what?" Keith asked, surprised and confused. His eyes glanced at the cut on Lance's brow.

"Shiro told me you stayed behind to find me on the mission and also... you know... brought me back. I don't-"

"-Remember it? I know. But if anything, I don't deserve gratitude," Keith spat angrily. Lance stared at Keith strangely.

"What happened? I feel as if I've done something bad."

Keith scoffed. "Nothing compared to-"

"You're forgiven. Sorry, I should've opened with that, but that's one of the reasons I'm here. Allura and Coran are fine with a few bruises. Shiro needs at least two hours in a healing pod, but otherwise he's good... so you're good."

"I'm not good. I'm far from good," Keith said angrily, "I don't deserve to be forgiven. I literally made you bleed and came close to killing everyone else."

Lance placed a hand on Keith's shoulder causing him to silently gasp, "You say that like you couldn't kill me. I was just as vulnerable as the others, which you stopped yourself from killing might I add. Whatever you are dealing with, you did your best to stop it. And that is pretty, quiznaking amazing."

Keith looked Lance in the eye, "I may have avoided it this time, but who knows if there will be another. I was almost lost myself to my Galra side. If I did it again, but lose... I might do a lot more  than bruises and broken ribs."

"You won't."

"You can't be sure of that."

"Yes, I can." Lance gave a lopsided grin. "Because I'm her- I mean, the whole team!" Lance's face flushed, "Er, not just me. We are all here for you. And  _we'll_  find a way to get rid of your curse."

Keith didn't reply. He didn't believe there was a way. If a healing pod couldn't heal him... what  _could_?

"Anyway, you should get sleep. Allura decided to keep what just happened from Hunk and Pidge. We'll have a lot on our plate as the Blade has decided to move our big battle with Zarkon forward. If-" Lance paused for a second, doubt laced his features. "-If you need anything, I am just down the hall. So, don't be a stranger." Lance finished awkwardly, he began to turn. A loud rumbling sounded from his stomach, causing his face to go bright red.

"Hungry?" Keith teased.

"Kinda, I was busy with Allura, Shiro, and Coran for a bit. So by the time I was done, Hunk had already passed out in a chair, although he promised to make me something for surviving." Lance replied with a small chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Keith gestured to the plate. 

"Have it." Lance looked at it and back to Keith. 

"But don't you want it?" He inquired.

"Not really hungry after what I just did," Keith replied with a cold tone.

"Keith..." Lance started.

"Eat it! Or I swear I will shove it down your throat myself." Keith picked up the plate and pushed it into Lance's arms. He backed away and began playing with a loose string on his glove to avoid seeing Lance's reaction.

Lance laughed lightly, "You haven't changed that much, have you?"

The tone in Lance's voice caught him off guard. It was... _endearing_. Keith couldn't help but look up out of curiosity. His way too gay heart almost stopped. Lance was looking at him with a soft smile, his composure was awkward, which was something Keith hadn't seen before. His cocky arrogance was absent as far as he could see. Even though he couldn't remember, Lance still seemed to look at him the same way. Just a little more unsure, as if he was scared.

_I told you it was mutual._  He recalled Pidge's writing on the picture. Maybe... No it couldn't be. He was probably just thinking too much into it. Like he always does.

Keith shook the thought away, "I guess not." He looked away. "I think I will rest a bit. You should too."

Lance nodded, "Yeah. It'd be nice to get some actual sleep. However, you  _will_  tell me about what happened later. Promise?"

Normally, Keith would've said no, but without hesitation he said, "Promise."

Lance only smiled and walked out without pressing any further. "'Night."

After the door closed, Keith mumbled, "Goodnight." He sighed, moving over to his bed. He laid down, and despite the fact he wasn't tired at all, he passed out into a dreamless sleep.

-

Keith felt the blood running through his fingers before he was fully awake. The rush of anger coursed through him, but it lacked motive, causing the rush to end as quickly as he began. Once he was aware, he realized the source of the blood. In his sleep, he must've shifted as his leg was raked with deep cuts along his thigh, causing a pool of blood to collect on his floor.  _Luckily it wasn't anyone else's._

Keith groaned as he sat up. He peeled off his torn pants. His sheets were already soaked with sweat and blood, so he pressed a dry part of it into his self-inflicted injuries. Without any warning, his door slid open revealing a lanky, disheveled figure.

"You okay? I heard- Oh my god, you're bleeding!" Lance rushed forward. Keith's skin was still purple, but Lance didn't seem to mind. The only thing that bothered Keith was that fact he was only in a shirt and underwear.

"How'd you-" Keith stopped, unsure of how to ask the question.

"I could've sworn I heard you yelling, but it wasn't out loud, but in my head. If that makes any sense at all." Lance peeled the blanket back to examine the wound. He sharply inhaled at the pain. "Sorry."

"It's fine, besides I know what you mean." Keith watched as his skin faded back to its usual paleness. "But only you were able to that. Talk with your mind, I mean."

Lance looked up with wide eyes, "What do you mean I can talk with my mind?"

Keith pressed his lips tight, unsure whether he should tell Lance or not. He didn't want Lance being conflicted and distracted when they had such a big battle coming up. However, at the same time, it wasn't his information to withhold. "It was when you lost your voice, I think it was through the lions, though. Nothing else." It wasn't a complete lie as it did start when the lion let him communicate, but it didn't stop there.

"Oh. I guess Red just wanted me to help you, then. Though I feel Shiro would be better at this than me." Lance chuckled.

Keith didn't respond. He just attempted to stand and Lance wrapped his arm around his waist to support him. He winced, but lightly pushed Lance away. It hurt, but they were only surface wounds. Keith opened his dresser and pulled out shorts. Carefully, while leaning against the wall, he pulled them on. Next, they were walking down the hall, but Keith came to a stop in front of Lance's door. "You should go back to sleep, I can clean myself up."

"I was already awake. I had to wash my face mask off. My skin is in a really bad state, not to mention the scar and..." Lance trailed off. "Anyway, I'm an expert at cleaning out injuries like that." 

"Is that from your scars on your torso?" Keith blurted before thinking. Lance paled, his eyes scanned Keith. 

"Uh, how'd you know about that?" He sounded terrified.  _Why'd I have to say that?!_

"Well, I had to clean  _your_  wounds somehow..." Keith looked away. Lance seemed stiff, but then he walked on, dragging Keith behind him.

"Then consider this a repayment." His voice sounded cold. Keith complied. He looked everywhere, making sure no one else was around. Lance noticed Keith's gaze, "No one is up, unless Shiro stayed up again. It's technically midnight."

"Oh." They reached the bathroom. Lance bent over and opened a cabinet, pulling out the first-aid kit. 

"It'll be easier if you get on the counter," Lance gestured with his hand. The counter was a couple inches above his waist, he was quite short after all. Keith attempted to pull himself up, but his back and arms still hurt where Coran had hit him with a chair. Each time he had almost managed to get high enough, he slipped. He turned to Lance who gave an amused look. Keith glared.

"Just help me already!" Keith crossed his arms.

"Okay, geez. Stop that pouting, you look-," He started a word, but instantly changed it, "-ridiculous." Keith only raised an eyebrow. Lance firmly placed his hands on Keith's waist. He hoisted him up. Lance set the kit next to him. Keith, however, was blushing furiously. Thankfully, Lance was oblivious to it. Instead, he worked quickly. It took less than a minute for Lance to bandage his leg. 

"Thanks." Keith pushed himself off the counter.

Lance smirked, "No problem, but you owe me, now. You know what I want."

Keith rolled his eyes, walking off. Something about the situation made him feel flustered. He heard Lance calling for him, but all Keith wanted to do was turn back and kiss him. But he couldn't. Not now. Not after all this. Not with his memory loss. So, instead, he was heading back to his room. To hide underneath the covers and hope that somehow the memories would return. A tug on his arm pulled him back to reality. He turned to face Lance. "I know you want to know, but I'm tired and sore in more ways than you can imagine. I'll talk to you later."

Lance looked bothered. He was fumbling with his fingers. His mouth opened, but he shut it quickly. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips trembled as if he was about to cry. Keith suddenly felt like a jerk. 

"Lance?" Keith asked carefully.

"I'm fine." He said, turning around, but Keith caught the sleeve of his bath robe. 

"You don't look like it." Lance stayed silent. Keith sighed, allowing his proposition to slip before really thinking about it, "Listen, Lance. I guess... if you'd want to, I'll answer one question. Any question." Lance looked up, slightly taken aback. He looked around before speaking.

"Are my nightmares real?" Lance asked, suddenly whispering. His eyes were wide staring down at Keith. It was right then that Keith noticed the close proximity. He could practically feel Lance's warm breath on his face.

"What?" 

"Okay, I know it sounds stupid, but you're the only one who knows what happened on that mission. I need to know if they actually happened. They're... terrifying. It's the  _real_ reason why I'm awake." Lance's lip trembled again at the thought of his dream.

Keith thought for a while, unsure. If Lance mentioned the moments where they made out, it would be hard and kind of embarrassing to explain. "Okay, but I-" Keith cut himself off with a yawn.

"It can wait," Lance suddenly blurted. "I just wanted to see if you would help is all." He attempted a laugh but it came out more like strangled breathing. He turned back and was rushing down the corridor. He went back into his room before Keith could even reply. He just stood there in a dumbfounded state. Slowly, he went back to his room, only to remember his messy bed. 

"Great," Keith muttered as he took the sheets off, leaving a bare mattress. He set it aside in a pile on the floor. Instead of sleeping on the bare mattress, Keith found himself walking out of the room. His footsteps echoed throughout the empty hall. And then he stopped... right in front of Lance's door.  _Oh my god, what the hell do I think I'm doing?! I can't just bother him, especially after what just happened not too long ago._  Keith backed away, suddenly feeling weird and awkward. So, nothing out of the unusual. _Why does it seem like no matter what I do, I keep being drawn back to him?_  

The door suddenly slid open. Both of them jumped, but Lance was the only one who yelled. 

"What the hell, man? Did you even go to your room?" Lance had his hand on his chest as he panted.

"I did, sorry."

After they both had some time to calm down, Lance spoke, "So you too, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was coming to see you, too. I- God, this is embarrassing... But I thought you would be the only one to  _really_ understand how I'm feeling. So... um... Sleepover?" Lance joked, but he looked like he really meant it.

"Well, seeing as I kinda ruined my bed with blood... Yeah, I don't see why not." Lance looked pleasantly surprised, but also ten times more unsettled. 

"Okay. Well, come on in! Mi casa es su casa," He cockily winked, backing away to let Keith in.

"Only for tonight." Keith pressed.

"Only for tonight." Lance confirmed with a smile. 

It was  _not_  only for that night.


	2. Blind

_Oh you gotta fire and it's burnin' in the rain_  
_Thought that it went out, but it's burnin' just the same_  
_And you don't look back, not for anything_  
_'Cause love someone, love them all the same_  
_If you love someone, love them all the same_

_Oh I feel your heartbeat_

~

It was only meant to be for one night. However, it didn't go as planned.  

After several minutes of bickering, they had finally come to the conclusion of sharing the bed. Some part of Lance, for some reason, was pleased with the outcome. It confused him relentlessly. Lance was the first to wake up. Thankfully, when he awoke, neither he or Keith were even touching. So there was no awkward cuddling. Once again he felt disappointed. Don't get him wrong, Lance always figured he was attracted to Keith, but he knew his boundaries. Yeah, Keith was hot as a supernova- Lance wasn't  _blind_ after all- but he never felt like this before. 

Lance rolled over in his bed to look at Keith. Even though they weren't touching, there was only a few inches separating them. Keith still looked as serious as he was when he was awake, but he seemed more relaxed and open. His usually furrowed eyebrows and pressed tight lips were now smoothed out, giving Lance a whole different view of Keith. His hair was a mess. Dark strands were splayed across his face, some were even caught in the corner of his mouth. Large tufts of raven hair were puffed out on the other side of his head. It was absolutely ridiculous, but he looked so much younger this way. All the hard times and pain he had suffered weighed heavily on Keith, yet he looked like a child with an old soul. Lance could see that as clear as day.

It always bothered Lance. It was almost as it had tripped a wire in his mind, giving him the irresistible urge to make Keith happier. But Lance always did it wrong. He always had playful rivalries with his older siblings and the made him feel happy, so Lance thought it would help Keith. 

Boy, was he wrong. It made Keith mad, which in return made Lance frustrated. On top of that, Lance was jealous of Keith, although he would never admit it out loud. He hated how Keith was always better than him. Hell, he only got to be fighter pilot all because Keith dropped out. He didn't even get the chance to prove himself as an equal to Keith. 

Lance silently groaned in frustration. There was nothing he  _could_  do. Lance looked at Keith with confusion. Keith could've gone anywhere. Lance honestly thought Keith would've gone to Shiro. Yet, he was right out Lance's door.  _His_  door. Not Shiro's. Lance suddenly realized he was holding Keith's hand. He wasn't sure when he had grabbed it, but it felt...  _right_.

The feeling sent shivers down Lance's back. He was about to let go when his gaze caught Keith's bare palm. He sucked a breath in sharply. Lance brought it closer into his view. A thin scar ran along the plump curve of his flesh below his thumb. Honestly, Lance should've been surprised Keith wasn't wearing his gloves, but the scar bothered him more. Lance brought his own hand up and sure enough, the same scar was etched in his darker skin. 

Lance looked back at Keith. His breathing was slow and even.  _What is he hiding?_  Lance thought. He knew something had happened. It would explain why everything he had felt before was even stronger now, along with a feeling that he didn't quite understand. He so badly wanted to know what happened on the mission. However, the red paladin was dead set on keeping his mouth shut. Keith acted different, too! Not like he was a different person, but he acted more open with Lance. Keith acted as if he was almost comfortable, yet uncomfortable at the same time with him. Lance sighed, suddenly recalled his dreams from earlier. 

_He felt useless. No matter how much he ran, he stayed still. Even his voice betrayed him, not allowing a single sound to go past his throat._

_Blood. Oh god, there was so much blood. It stained his hands and all the way up to his elbows. No matter how much he scratched and scrubbed, the blood didn't come off. Lance wanted to scream. The blood wasn't just red. There was a thicker, more grotesque, blue blood that coated his skin. Just the mere smell of it made him want to vomit._

_Keith. Where was he?! Lance looked around, trying to yell. It was only until he saw the crumpled figure slumped against a slab of stark white marble. "Keith!" He tried to scream, but nothing came out. Keith's dark, violet eyes glared at Lance._

_"You could've done more. You killed everyone. You couldn't even stop a monster like me," Keith's eyes flashed yellow, illuminating claw marks along his own arms, "What use do you have as a paladin, Lance? You let your emotions get in the way. Voltron doesn't need that."_

_"Stop..." Lance felt terrible. He turned away only to see his other teammates splayed across the black, inky ground around him. All of them... Lance had to look away. What had he done?_

_Suddenly, large, doe-like, brown eyes appeared before him. A familiar, yet unfamiliar voice spoke, "You promised you would never forget me, Lance. I sacrificed myself for you and this is how you repay me? I should've let you-"_

Lance had woken up at that point. At first, he thought it was him screaming, but it was too distant. That's what led him here, in the same bed as Keith. He had asked Keith if his nightmares were real. God, he sounded so weak and childish when he did. Lance pulled his hands back to himself, kneading his bottom lip between his teeth. He sat up, letting his feet land firmly on the ground by the bed.

"You okay?" A hoarse voice drew him out of his thoughts. Lance turned to look back. Keith's eyes were still closed, but he was shifting from his side onto his stomach. He yawned before burrowing his face into the pillow.

"Ye-yeah. Why wouldn't I?" Lance hesitated slightly before turning back forward. Keith looked like a kitten. His cute, messy hair had been sticking out in all directions.  _Wait, not cute!!_  Lance felt his stomach turn uneasily. Since had he thought of Keith like this! Yeah, he always thought he was attractive and might have had the tiniest  _crush_  on him, but that was it. Not this fumbling, lovesick mess. Or had he always been like this and never noticed. Lance gulped, thinking about how embarrassing it would be if he was.

"That doesn't sound convincing." Keith grumbled into the pillow, pulling Lance from his thoughts. 

Lance rolled his eyes, "Like you actually care."

"Of course I do," Keith replied instantly. Lance risked a glance. Keith still rested his head on the pillow, but his violet eyes were on Lance. Shockingly, Lance knew he wasn't joking. The blue paladin wanted to respond, but all he could do was just stare back at Keith. Lance was suddenly aware of his red face and his uneven breathing. Keith looked so sure it rattled Lance to the core. Why was his heart beating so  _fast_?

Suddenly, Lance's stomach growled. He quickly turned away, flustered and embarrassed. "I guess, I'm going to get breakfast then," Lance tried to laugh, but it came out awkwardly. "You coming?"

"Later, I'm..." Keith trailed off, sounding conflicted.

"Okay. But you better hurry before I eat everything, apparently." Lance turned back to give Keith a reassuring smile. His heart almost stopped. Keith openly laughed, his eyes closed as he stretched his arms out. 

"I'll keep that in mind," Keith mumbled. He laid back out on the bed, breathing in deeply. Lance stumbled out of the room before he would do something he would very much regret.

-

Lance had quickly showered and changed before heading to the dining room. Normally, he would've taken his time, but: One, he was really hungry; Two, he had something to do. 

Of course, Shiro sat next to Allura chatting about something quietly over some sort of warm drink. Allura didn't notice him, but Shiro gave Lance a warm smile before turning back to the conversation. Lance looked over to Hunk who was intently listening to Coran go on about some story while munching on space goo. Lance's heart swelled for some reason. Despite not remembering, his subconscious seemed to feel great for being back  _home._  

Although, something felt off. Just before he could even ponder what it was, a flash of green tackled him. He yelped as he fell on the ground. Despite the hard floor, he only fell with a soft thump. Thank goodness his robe was really soft. Lance grunted as he strained his neck to see what tackled him. Or rather who.

Pidge clung to him with a fervent grip. Lance wrapped his arms around her.

"You missed me, huh? Oomph," Lance got a punch to the gut.

"Don't do it again! Or I'll be forced to tell Keith!!" Pidge warned with a watery voice.

Lance's face automatically flushed, "I'll try not to."

"Good. Now, I've already lost one brother. I'm not losing my temporary one!"

"Aw, I'm just temporary?" Lance fumbled to stand with Pidge still holding on. Lance was only joking. Pidge was a close friend, yes, but he was never a match for her brother. Pidge got up and started on about she finally made it past the level Lance had gotten stuck on. Lance listened, but really couldn't focuse. He had to say it. Hunk turned in on the conversation, joining in by talking about pieces they needed for the thing they were building together. 

He suddenly realized he was just sitting there, no longer part of the conversation. He hadn't really noticed, but he had just been sitting there quiet. Which was out of character for him. Hunk and Pidge were to distracted to notice. Lance felt weird, something made him feel like he was pushed into the back of his mind, no longer in control of his body. All he could do was stare and listen. 

Lance suddenly spoke up, "Can everyone listen to me?"

No one seemed to hear. 

Lance's face slightly before saying it, louder this time. "HEY, I have something to say!"

Both Hunk and Pidge turned to face him, slightly concerned. The others looked at him, but were just confused, still laughing slightly from their conversation. They all looked at him expectantly. 

"When- or if- Keith comes in here. Don't act weird. Just act they way you did when I got here.  _You_  know what I mean," Lance finished, not bothering to hide his glance at Allura before looking away. He suddenly felt flustered. Was he doing too much? Acting too weird?

Hunk and Pidge looked confused just as he had expected. Allura looked away, her face unreadable. Coran was looking at Allura, unsure how to act. Shiro, however, smiled, giving Lance a strange, yet knowing look. 

"Of course, Lance."

With that everyone went back to what they were doing. Lance felt weird, but blamed it on his empty stomach. He hurried and got himself a helping of space goo. Between every bite, he'd find himself glancing at the door. He wasn't thinking much about it until he realized Shiro had caught on to what he was doing. Before he could feel embarrassed, he quickly looked away and turned away from the door. 

Lance allowed himself to get lost in conversation with Pidge about the new game she found on this planet they visited while Keith and Lance were gone. It wasn't an Earth game, but she had found away to convert it so it was playable on the gaming console. Lance was definitely intrigued, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't checking the doorway in the reflection of her glasses.

-

Keith didn't want to leave the bed. He wasn't at all tired, but he was downright terrified. He couldn't stop imagining every bad situation that could happen. Keith snuggled himself into the sheets. They were so soft and reassuring. The scent was an amazing bonus.

His leg was still sore, but he ended up in the best place possible. Although, Keith's heart still felt heavy as he knew Lance didn't feel the same. This was just Lance being nice. Nothing more. Keith brought the blanket up, breathing deeply.

He sighed. Honestly, he wanted to stay forever. But Keith still got up, running his fingers through his knotted-up hair. The door slid open and he entered the hall, heading in the direction of his room. His clothes weren't the best to show off at the moment. Especially with the large bandage to show off. The questions that would arise from it were ones Keith much rather avoid.

His room was empty and clean, as usual. Of course this excluded the partially bloody sheets lying next to his bed. Keith ignored it and changed into his everyday clothes. He pulled out his gloves and began to pull them on only to realize a large slash in the fabric. Keith sucked in a breath, feeling his chest tightening as tears welled in his eyes.

Keith quickly stuffed them away before he let his emotions get the best of him. He hastily moved to pick up his sheets, deciding to wash them for a distraction. He walked quickly to the laundry room. It didn't take long for them to get washed with space technology and all. However, he messed with them for another 10 minutes, just thinking.

For some reason there was always a constant tapping in that room. He never really thought of it much before, but now it was all he could hear.  _Tap tap._  He folded the blanket.  _Tap tap._  He unfolded it.  _Tap tap_. He refolded it.  _Tap tap._  This happened as Keith continued to think of everything that had occurred in the past two weeks.  _Tap tap._ Or was it three. He didn't really know.

 _Tap tap tap._  Keith jolted when the fingers tapped on his shoulder. He tried to draw his blade, only to realize he wasn't wearing it on his belt. Frankly, Keith thought it would either be Lance or some type of intruder. However, it was Shiro who smiled warmly at Keith. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Breakfast is almost over. You might want to grab a bite. Allura wants us to train to make sure we are still capable of forming Voltron." 

"I- uh, I can't, Shiro. Not today. I just want to be alone. After what I did... I don't think I can be a part o-" A hand slapped over Keith's mouth. Shiro wasn't phased a bit, but he had an unsettled look in his eyes.

"Don't finish that sentence. You are as worthy to be a paladin as any of us. If anything, I don't think I could find someone as dedicated to the cause as you are. Especially without a reason to be. Keith, if you want some time to yourself, I can talk to Allura to talk about pushing training back a few hours." Shiro pulled his hand back.

Keith numbly nodded, "That'd be nice." He grabbed his sheets, turning to leave the room.

"Oh, and Keith?" Shiro called out. 

Without turning, Keith continued to walk, "What?"

"Lance really seems to be worried about you. I've never seen him care so much about something like this. I wonder why." 

Keith stopped, turning back meeting Shiro's gaze. Those stormy gray eyes held a knowing look. He raised an eyebrow, asking Keith for a reply. The red paladin sucked in a long breath, thinking of what to say before finally settling on, "I promise I'll tell you later, Shiro. I just... I need to figure out how I feel."

Shiro smiled, "That's all I needed to hear. See you later." He went down the other way of the hall, leaving Keith lingering. So Lance was worried. That wasn't too big of a deal. But if it wasn't, why did Keith's heart beating like crazy?

The covers quivered in his arms as he thought about it with a shaking excitement. Keith shook the thought away before continuing back to his room.

-

Lance was the only one left. Everyone else headed to prepare for training, but Lance waited. He couldn't pinpoint the reason why, but he did. The room was quiet. Not a single sound resonated. It was almost calming, lulling Lance to sleep. He didn't realize he fell asleep until a loud noise jolted him awake. It had caused his head to slip from his hands, making his head slam hard against the table.

"OW!" Lance grabbed at his nose and forehead, both throbbing with pain. He turned angrily to see his new enemy, only to realize his old, somewhat-rival was standing there. His heart jumped. 

"Hey," Keith said quietly, looking really nervous. He rubbed his right hand nervously. They were still bare.  _I guess they must've torn when his hand got cut._  It made sense, but it didn't explain why his hand shared the same scar.

"Hey..." Lance replied, just as quiet.

Keith's eyes widened, "Oh, um, your nose is bleeding. Like a lot."

Lance ran his fingers under his nose, feeling the warm, wet liquid. He hadn't even noticed. "Oops," was all he said as he stared at his now red-stained fingers. A napkin was suddenly within his vision, pressing against his nose. He looked up at Keith.

His violet eyes met Lance's gaze. Both seemed to stop breathing. Keith wiped the blood away before pressing a new one to stanch the flow of blood. Lance's gaze never left Keith's. He suddenly found himself leaning forward. Keith's eyes widened, but he didn't move away. If anything, he just seemed to be moving in a bit too, but that had to be Lance's imagination. They were so close. Only mere inches. And then...

 _Grrrr._  Keith's stomach grumbled loudly. His face flushed.

"Oh, well look how the tables have tabled." Lance suddenly realized his mistake. "I mean turned! Not... Oh!"

"Tables have tabled?" Keith moved away, looking amused. Little did Lance know how nerve-racked he felt as well. He grabbed a plate as Lance sputtered.

"Shut up. You know what I meant."

"Do I?" Keith pushed.

Lance looked frustrated before storming out dramatically. "I am so kicking your ass in training today."

"Look forward to your attempt." Keith sipped his drink, laughing when he heard Lance yell.

Keith ate quickly, feeling energized. It was an effect Lance had always had on him. And honestly, he  _loved_  it. It wasn't too long until he was already gearing up, ready for training.

Surprisingly, they had no problem forming Voltron. So they focused on individual lions and how their piloting was. Keith and Lance spent the whole time as a big competition and for once, it didn't hinder the team's progress. If anything, it made the training a lot more fun. 

Only downfall was that they were still on Zryraz. The other paladins had been working on helping the citizens come back into a civilized state. They had elected a new leader to replace the siblings. Keith didn't know much other than that. He had spent all his time waiting for Lance. From what he heard, the Zryrazians were actually a peaceful race. No one could fathom why Myble was the way she was. It was like she had just snapped one day, brainwashing everyone to take over. 

Keith thought of Marf. It hurt like hell. He said he had lived a long time, however long that is, but he was still technically young. His death was wrong, but not in vain. Marf had sacrificed so much for his people. It inspired Keith. Suddenly, a part of him felt angry, like something was taking over, pushing him back in his mind again.

Training wasn't over, but he quickly piloted Red back, despite everyone yelling at him. He ignored them all as he rushed from the hangar. Hopefully, he could make it to his room before-

Keith collapsed, his breathing shallow and quick. Pain bloomed from every part of his body as the fur pushed its way out. He tugged his helmet off, grasping at his throat. Why did everything  _burn_  so much? Keith heard a voice call out to him. He had to get away. With his new-found adrenaline, he ran hoping to get away. 

However, the energy didn't last long. It drained away quickly, causing him to fall again. This time he didn't hit the ground. Warm arms caught him, pulling him into his room. He was set on the bed. Keith heard the door close and lock. He groaned and twisted as the pain got worse. Warm hands cupped his face. 

Everything was so warm. Warm and... blue. So much blue. A deep, ocean blue. It was all Keith could focus on until the pain stopped. He gasped, letting himself breathe deeply to calm down. Lance finally came into view. His eyes were wide open, his worry up and front.

"Sorry," Keith croaked. He looked at his hands, examining their purple color.

"What're sorry for? This isn't your fault, Keith."

"It's my genes. My body. I should be able to control it. Who knows what I'll do. I could-" Keith's loud voice caught in his throat. He spoke quieter, "I could  _kill_ someone."

His eyes caught Lance's. Lance knew he wouldn't, but Keith didn't need that right now. He didn't need to be told he could control it, he needed help. Even if he wouldn't admit it. "I won't let you."

That caught Keith off guard. He sat up and said, "What?"

"Until you can control this, I'll stay with you.  _Every_  night. If you turn and you can't control yourself, I'll knock you out or do something. But you aren't in this alone, Keith."

Keith stared. He was unsure of what to say. What  _could_ he say?! "Okay," He mumbled. Keith shifted. "The team-"

"I'll tell them you're feeling sick. Shiro will understand. Just get some rest, Keith. I'll be back okay?"

Keith nodded numbly and Lance left quickly.  _Every night_. Oh, quiznak. He was definitely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I had a dance and final exams. Plus there is so much drama going on in my life at the moment. I won't go into it much, but updates will definitely be a lot slower now. More than what they already are. I hope you understand. With winter break, I may upload more chapters, but I really just need a breather from all my stress. Writing has always given me comfort, but I don't want to force myself to do it to a point where I don't enjoy it anymore or where my writing loses its quality. And I really want to give you all the best I can!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter although it is mostly a filler. I have an idea where I want this fic to go, but I have some points that I need to work out. So, thanks for reading and leaving kudos or comments!!! <3


	3. Blindly Searching

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures_  
_Pulling your puzzles apart_  
_Questions of science, science and progress_  
_Do not speak as loud as my heart_

~

After some time, Lance was able to convince Allura with Shiro and Coran's help to let Keith leave training early. Unfortunately, he would have to continue with training since he was gone for a while. Lance thought it was stupid. Allura let Shiro leave to be with Keith, but not him!? Keith wanted  _him_  last night, not Shiro. So obviously, he was the best choice. Right?

Lance didn't even remember what happened when he was gone. So in conclusion, it was like he never left at all! Right?! No reason for him to quiznaking train extra hours. So, of course, he voiced his complaints the whole time. Normally, he would've made jokes and gone with it, but he was mad. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be-

Lance accidentally almost ran Blue into a mountain when he realized where he wanted to be. His face flushed. He wanted to be with  _Keith._  The revelation caught him off guard, but he felt...  _Fine?_  He couldn't figure out what he was feeling, but it certainly didn't feel  _wrong_. His mind had halted at the realization, but otherwise, his heart worked calmly as if it was old news. He didn't even know how to feel about that either. Lance shook his head trying to get rid of the idea, but it lingered.

"Pay attention, Lance," Allura pressed over the comms. "We need to be focused if we want to be prepared for this upcoming battle."

"Sure thing, Princess." Surprisingly, his voice held no trace of a flirty tone. Instead, it was void of any emotion. And of course, Pidge didn't fail to take notice. She hummed teasingly. Lance ignored it by focusing on weaving between the mountains.

If he couldn't get rid of the idea, maybe he could try figuring them out. Lance had never done that before, might as well give it a try. Lance recalled waking up, but if he could recall just one tiny thing, maybe he could recall it all at some point. He strained to remember anything. Something at least.

His chest began to hurt and his head began to throb with a headache as he tried. Each turn made it worse. Ever since he got out of the healing pod he hadn't felt the same and trying to remember made it worse. It was almost like his energy was just drained or just plain missing. He groaned, carefully landing his lion on the ground. Lance felt sick and nauseous, like he was about to throw up for some reason he didn't know.

"You okay, Lance?" Hunk called over the comm.

"Yeah," He said a bit too quickly as he instantly doubled over, vomiting all over the floor of the cockpit. His helmet fell off rolling across the floor. His body felt heavy and weak, although he couldn't think of why it would. "Ugh, sorry, Blue. I promise I'll clean you up." Lance felt it rise in the back of his throat again, before his stomach was completely emptied of its contents. Blue forgave Lance with a purr, letting Lance feel better.

_Healing pods can't heal magic_ , he remembered Allura saying whenever he was waking up. Was he cursed? Lance really wished he could remember what happened here. He'd have to ask Keith. Hopefully, there would be answers.

"Okay, I've had enough!" He heard Pidge snap over the comms distantly from his helmet, "Lance is overworking himself. None of us even know what him and Keith have gone through. They deserve breaks before you break them,  _Princess."_  Pidge sounded angry.

"I think I agree with Pidge on this one." Hunk sounded less angry, but equally concerned.

Lance wanted to chip in to say he was fine, but his voice seemed to fail him. All he could do was sit and hope he didn't throw up again. For some reason, he felt like this had happened before. It was a strong feeling of déjàvu. Sure, he had gotten sick before where he had been really hoarse and couldn't speak that loud, but he had never lost it completely. At least, from what he could remember.

Lance didn't get the chance to hear Allura's response as his headache got worse. Lance buried his face in his hands, groaning in pain. His eyes watered from it, making everything around him blurry. He wasn't sure if this helped his headache or made it worse. Lance could no longer hear the chattering over the comms. Suddenly, a light flickered at his hands, jolting him back into reality. It was gone as soon as it came, but he knew it was there. Just like it did when he was younger... It was almost like the light came when he was scared or in intense pain.

Lance needed air, he felt like he was going insane. So, he stumbled out of Blue to sit on the damp mud. The Yellow lion landed close to Blue. He saw Hunk approach from the corner of his eye. He sat next to Lance.

"What's wrong?" Hunk asked cautiously.

"I'm okay. Just nauseous." Lance wiped his eyes carefully.

"Okay, I'll wait, then. You can tell me when you're ready." Lance chuckled at that. Of course, Hunk could always tell when something was up. It was almost like he had a third eye. Lance looked over at Hunk. His chest hurt. Those... brown eyes similar to a doe's. Doe eyes like... "Man, I wish there better food on the ship. That'd be- Lance?" Hunk met Lance's gaze. His face twisted with worry.

"What?" Lance hated how weak he sounded as his voice broke.

"You're crying..." Hunk shyly pointed out with his hand.

Lance raised his hands to his face and sure enough, his hands felt the warm slickness on his cheeks. "I- I don't know why- Why am I crying?" Lance looked to Hunk for answer, but all he could see was those  _eyes_.

"Let's get back to the Castle," Hunk said, but Lance didn't hear it. "I'll take you in Yellow. Blue should follow..." Lance felt himself being pulled so he just numbly followed.

-

Next thing that he noticed was the warm envelope of his bed. Lance curled under his sheets, wondering why he hurt so bad. Brown eyes... Since when did brown eyes make him have an emotional break down? Maybe he's feeling homesick since most of his family had brown eyes? But that didn't feel right with Lance. He felt weak. Why couldn't he just be  _fine_? Was that too much to as for?

Lance squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he could just fall asleep, but his stomach rumbled. That's right. He hadn't eaten anything for hours now. With his high metabolism, he was practically always hungry a few hours after a meal.  

He groaned as another wave of pain washed over him. Lance was to occupied to hear his door slide open. His blanket was tugged back and Lance looked with squinted eyes. All he could see was blue eyes.

Allura took a staggered step back. She just stared and stammered, "I knocked, but you- you didn't answer..."

Lance struggled to sit up, "Sorry, Princess. I don't know what got over me-"

Allura raised up a hand, it looked like she had finally regained her composure, "It is not your fault, Lance, but rather mine. After we lost you and Keith, it was hard. We had a few battles with the Galra and without Voltron, it proved to be difficult. With the way Keith is... I overreacted." Allura looked upset as she messed with end of her sleeve to avoid looking Lance in the eye.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. But I think you need to be telling Keith this not me."

"No, not just him. I pushed you- And too early. You need rest, but I was... determined and ignorant. Until you are up to training you can rest." Allura's gaze kept shifting to his hair. Lance ran a hand through it anxiously.

"Wow, thanks, Allura!" Lance smiled. The motion felt foreign on his face. Once again she looked at him strangely, her gaze fixing on the top of his hand. He began to wonder if he had something on his face.

"What happened to you?" She suddenly asked. Lance suddenly couldn't breathe.

"What- what do you mean?" he nervously chuckled.

Allura looked at the door, her brows furrowed as she thought about what to say. "You just..." she sighed, "I really don't know how to explain it properly, but you seem like you matured a lot after you came back." Lance opened his mouth to say something, but his mind came to a blank. He really couldn't deny that there had been a change. Allura simply nodded, and headed for the door. "We're having lunch soon, Hunk decided to whip up something different after finding new ingredients on this planet." She looked back not even bothering to hide her fixated glance at Lance's hair. "I hope to see you there." 

And then she was gone. Lance bolted to the mirror in his room. At first, he didn't see anything.  However, upon closer inspection, a few strands of hair weren't brown. 

"Oh no, no, no, no, no!" Lance kept saying like a chant.  _Am I gonna end up like Shiro?!_  Lance prayed that it was just a trick of the light, but once he turned the lights on all the way, it remained the same. Shiro had said his white hair came from stress, but Lance didn't feel that bad. Okay, maybe he did, but then it would come from his roots. It wouldn't just immediately go white. He got up and found his bag of hair products. He rummaged through it, searching for anything to help.

Lance threw his head back, groaning. There wasn't the slightest of things to cover it up. Lance's eyes landed on his face in the mirror across the room. He Unless... Lance bit his lip and considered his options. He has  _seen_  Keith wear a beanie once. 

_He wouldn't mind if I borrowed it, right?_  However, Lance realized that would mean Keith would see it. Then again, Lance knew about Keith's secret. It would make sense for Keith to his too. Lance changed from his armor and into his regular clothes. He pulled up his hood and marched out of the room in determination. 

His hand was raised to knock but it immediately slid open as if it was the door to any other room. Keith was laying on his bed fast asleep. He was in his Galra form, which was entirely rude. 

No one should look  _that_  good, with all that messy fur. Lance internally groaned as he stepped into the room. The door slid shut behind him. There was no point in trying to deny that he found Keith attractive, but he sounded like a quiznaking ridiculous now. Lance pushed the thought back as he headed to Keith's wardrobe quietly. 

He pushed his hood off as he pulled open the first drawer. It revealed a dozen black T-shirts thrown in haphazardly. Lance quietly chuckled at the mess and moved to the next one. The drawers were surprisingly empty. There were his pants and t-shirts, but that was about it. 

"Lance." Keith's voice rang out suddenly.

Lance froze. Slowly, he turned with his hands raised, but Keith hadn't opened his eyes. Lance relaxed realizing he was still asleep. 

"Just stop..." Keith's eyes were squeezed shut, as if he was in pain.

"Keith?" Lance asked softly. Thoughtlessly, he moved to Keith and placed a hand on the side of his face. Keith relaxed slightly, but he remained stiff.

"Please, stop, Lance," Keith begged. Lance's eyes widened, he couldn't think of a time when Keith had sounded this helpless, much less begging. 

"Stop what, Mullet?" Lance asked as he sat on the edge of his bed.

"Don't leave me."

Lance chuckled. Keith was definitely feeling weird. "Must be a different Lance you're talking about. 'Cause if you were awake, you definitely wouldn't be asking me to stay."

"I never want you to leave me again..." Keith tensed and pulled the blanket tighter around him. 

"I'm not going anywhere," Lance reassured.

"Lance, you died. And I thought I did too."

Lance stayed silent, his breath caught in his throat. He knew he got badly injured, but this was news to him.

"But then you forgot and that hurts so much more," Keith's cheeks became wet with tears. Lance suddenly realized he was crying, too. This was too much and it was violating Keith's privacy and that didn't feel right to Lance. Even if what Keith said intrigued him. Lance used his sleeve to wipe away Keith's tears.

"Keith, wake up." Lance nudged him and withdrew his hand from Keith's face. He groaned and mumbled something along the lines curtain pants. "Come on," Lance said as he poked Keith's cheek. Keith's eyes opened slightly and a grumpy pout pulled at his lips. Not that Lance was looking at his lips...

"What?" he growled. He pushed his hair out of his face and caught a glimpse of his hand. He sat up, his face instantly twisted in fear. 

"Hey, how'd you feel about lunch? I heard Hunk's made something special," Lance said with his most charming grin. 

Keith's brows furrowed, "Why-" He paused, "Are you not scared?"

Without hesitation, Lance replied with a wider smile and a shake of his head. He leaned in and laid a finger on Keith's cheek. "Because this right here. It wasn't there the last few times. Maybe it's only there when you are in control of yourself or... when you choose to turn." His last sentence sent a dozen more questioning thoughts into his mind.

"What do you mean?" Keith asked, pulling him from his trance.

"There's a mark, right here." Lance traced the darker purple with his finger. He looked up and met Keith's widened eyes. They were normal with only a slight tinge of yellow. "Your eyes are different too."

Both suddenly seemed to realize the lack of space between them. It was starting become a daily occurrence for them. This time, Lance had no reason to pull away and it seemed that neither did Keith. Matter of fact, Keith had placed a hand on the scar on Lance's cheek. With lidded eyes and shallow breathing, they continued to close the distance painstakingly slow.

"How does that prove that I'm in control of myself?" 

"You're impulsive, since when are you truly in control?" Lance breathlessly laughed. He had no idea of why he really wanted to kiss Keith, but the feeling was overwhelming. With Keith not showing any resistance, it was hard not to indulge. They were only a few millimeters apart until Keith pulled away. Lance ignored the pain that clenched in his chest. 

"Do you remember?" Keith asked, looking down at his hands. He ran a finger along the scar that they both shared.

"Every time I try to, it hurts. And if something triggers a memory, it literally incapacitates me. How will I even be able to be a paladin of Voltron when anything could take me out?" Lance stood, finding it difficult to be so close to Keith. 

"It appears we're both out of order," Keith laughed dryly. 

"What happened, Keith? I mean, I can't even look at Hunk without having a mental breakdown."

"What do you mean?" Lance turned to see Keith's worried face. It was rude. He just had to look at Lance like that and expect him to not want to kiss him. Lance looked away again.

"Brown eyes. I don't understand how something so simple could-" Lance stopped abruptly. Just the thought hurt. He ran a hand over his face.  _Great_ , he thought,  _now I'm crying again_. A hand patted his shoulder. Lance turned to face Keith. 

"What are you doing?"

"Comforting you?" Keith responded hesitantly.

"And so you patted my shoulder?" Lance asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. However Keith didn't notice it. He slunk away, looking defeated. 

"Sorr-" He started, but Lance didn't let him finish. He pulled Keith into a hug. He looked up at Lance with wide eyes. Lance leaned down, placing his forehead on Keith's shoulder. Keith's arms slowly came up to wrap around Lance's waist.

"I'd think you'd know I'm quite the hugger," Lance whispered. 

It was comforting. Just Keith's scent soothed him. Lance could hardly place the smell, but it reminded him of the bonfires his family would have. Keith's hand brushed against his hair. 

"Why's your hair white right here?" Keith asked. Lance groaned at the mention of it.

"I don't know, but it's frustrating me. It's actually why I'm here."

"Oh?" Keith inquired.

""Yeah, where's your beanie?" Lance reluctantly pulled away from Keith. It was probably just his imagination (or his high hopes) but he could've sworn he saw disappointment flash across Keith's face.

"Beanie?" 

"Your hat? It's purple."

"Oh, it's actually in Red at the moment," Keith crossed his arms.

"Oh."

"May I ask why you want to cover it?" Keith asked, leaning slightly forward. 

Lance opened his mouth to reply, but then promptly shut it when he realized that he didn't know why. It wasn't like it was too bad. He actually thought it looked pretty cool. Lance ran a hand through it. Maybe it was because of how Allura looked at it. 

"-looks bad," Keith said, drawing Lance from his thoughts. 

"What? It looks bad!?" Lance yelped and covered it with his hands.

"No! I- ugh. You're really going to make me say it again. I said it's kinda badass. Like Rogue from X-Men. I mean, even Shiro had white hair, so I wouldn't worry about the others thinking it looks bad," Keith looked down.

Lance just stared, unsure of what he should say. "Thanks." Keith looked up and just nodded. Lance suddenly got the urge and moved before he could properly think about it. "Keith, can I try something? To possibly trigger a memory is I'm right." Keith's eyes widened, but he nodded instantly. 

With his heartbeat pounding in his ears, Lance leaned down, just as Keith reached up. They met halfway, their lips just barely brushed before they were consumed. It was hardly a chaste kiss. Lance tangled his fingers in Keith's absurdly long hair. Keith grabbed his hips, pressing their bodies together. His sharp teeth bit his lip with a surprising softness. Lance's mouth parted in a gasp, letting Keith to deepen the kiss. Keith dug his clawed fingers into Lance's hips, but he hardly minded, much less felt it. 

It felt like hours, yet it was entirely too short in Lance's opinion. They parted, yet didn't let go of each other, panting heavily. Lance opened his eyes, examining the pink dusting Keith's face and how it matched his swollen, red lips. Keith stared back with dazed eyes. He looked a mess and yet was still rudely attractive. Lance leaned back in, catching Keith's for just another second. It was intoxicating.

The Castle's alarm suddenly went off. They shared a begrudged look, before sprinting into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now between here and the next chapter there will be a time skip. I won't go into detail about the battle they have with Zarkon (it is the one from S2 Eps. 20-24), but I might have a few short paragraphs about it. I'm sorry about the wait again, but all I am going to say is that it's probably going to be like this until summer break comes, sadly. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! Thank you for reading!


	5. Back Where We Left Off

_We're circles you see_  
_We go round round the sun_  
_In and out like the sea_  
_I'll circle round you_  
_You will circle round me_

~

Keith recalled the battle vividly. Despite Lance leaving him light-headed, he felt like he was seeing clearer than ever. However, he could never be prepared for this. Not when he didn't even imagine it.

They were thrust into the battle immediately. Apparently, while Keith and Lance were gone, half of the team had met with the Blade of Marmora to prepare for the plan they had rushed to make. They already knew it would have to happen soon, but now was the best time. 

He had heard all of their screams when Zarkon had shocked Voltron, but he believed everyone was fine. Keith got out of his lion, rushing to Shiro. Keith could hear Lance's feet padding closely behind him. His fingers just barely brushing Keith's back as if it was a reminder.  _I'm still here. I'm still here._

The door opened on its own. When they got to the cockpit, he wasn't there. Shiro had just disappeared. Keith turned to face Lance, but he wasn't there either. Keith ventured back throughout the lion. From the entrance to the hangar, there was no one he could see. 

He ran out yelling for anyone. Panic set in, gripping his chest and tightening it with a horrible sense of pain. The thudding of his feet echoed hollowly in his ears. His sanity was spiraling from his reach. 

"Lance! Shiro! Pidge! Anyone, please! Where are you?" Keith yelled. His voice was so distorted by panic that it hardly seemed like his own. The sound of glass-breaking laughter echoed throughout the ship. Keith grasped at his ears, feeling the familiar twinge of pain that stretched across his skin. Although, he continued to run through the halls, ignoring his body's agony. 

He smelled the blood before he saw it. The iron scent filled his nostrils instantaneously, making him want to gag. Remnants of paladin armor scattered across the expanse like debris. Keith's blurred gaze fell upon a blue helmet, its visor completely shattered. Sharp pain pierced his chest, causing him to fall to his knees.  

Everyone was gone. And it was all his fault.

-

Keith jerked awake gasping for air. His heart pounded and his entire body was tense. He searched the room desperately. Finally, his eyes landed on Lance in the low-lit room. The smell of blood began to fade, but his heart continued to pound relentlessly. Feeling his warmth, he clung to him, praying that his greatest fear wouldn't come to past. Lance grunted at the sudden gesture. He shifted to face Keith.

"Keith?" Lance asked, his voice rough with the remainders of sleep. After a few moments, the situation seemed to register in Lance's drowsy mind. His hand rose to run through Keith's dark hair. "What's wrong?"

Keith pulled his face from the crook of Lance's neck. His gaze met Lance's eyes. Despite having just woken up, his blue eyes were wide, searching his face for any kind of answers. Keith felt the tears fall before he realized he was crying. 

Lance's face fell, "Oh Mullet, it's okay to cry," he pulled Keith back into the hug. "I bet Shiro is fine. I mean remember what Allura told us? She said the lion has a teleportation ability. So Black could've just sent him to safety. He'll be okay. I know we can save him!"

Keith sobbed, his chest heaved with every breath. Of course he didn't know.  _That's_  not what was on his mind. The battle where they lost Shiro happened a week ago. Though the wounds it left were still fresh, it wasn't what plagued his thoughts endlessly. He pushed further into Lance, letting his heat envelop him. He thought to himself,  _he's still here. He's still here. You haven't lost yet._  Lance sighed pulling him back down into the bed. His long arms wrapped around Keith. 

The bed creaked under their weight. Lance hummed patiently, rubbing circles into his back. As his breathing evened out, slightly calloused hands moved to knead the muscles at the base of his neck. Keith sighed, shuddering as his body began to relax instinctively. 

"We?" Keith whispered when he finally came to trust his voice again, his lips brushing against the warm skin of Lance's neck. Keith squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he tried to commit this feeling - no, this  _moment_ \- to memory in fear that it would quickly fade away. It felt as if he would fall back into his nightmare at any second.

"Oh, imagine it Keith!" Lance whispered excitedly, pulling him out of his suffocating thoughts. "Lance and Keith, back to back. No one could stop us! We would be heroes." He could hear Lance's smile as he spoke. Keith could even imagine lopsidedness of it and how his eyes would become distant as if he could see it.

Keith pulled away looking up at Lance. He was right about the smile. His brown hair plastered the side of his face, stopping an inch from his mouth, and the rest stuck up haphazardly. His eyes finally met Lance's. Oh, how wrong he was about his eyes.

They were completely focused. Focused on  _Keith_ , at that. His breath caught in his throat. Lance looked... breathtaking. Despite his disheveled appearance and his now slightly white hair, he had Keith completely captivated. The feeling was foreign to him and slightly terrifying as well. No one had ever gotten him to feel so vulnerable.

Slender fingers wiped away the tears that streaked his face. Lance moved forward, nudging Keith's nose with his own. The scent of his salty tears reminded him of the rain from their first kiss. As if by instinct, Lance had tilted Keith's face until their lips just barely brushed. "Lance..." Keith whispered into his mouth. Keith could feel Lance's face flush with heat.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to you saying my name like that," Lance chuckled before pressing their lips together in a deep, languid kiss. It was completely different from any other kiss they had experienced. Despite the lack of their signature neediness, it didn't fail to turn Keith into putty. 

Keith positioned himself above Lance without breaking the kiss, his knees rested on either side of Lance. He swiped his tongue across Lance's bottom lip. Lance responded by parting his lips in a silent gasp, allowing Keith to slip further in. A soft moan from Lance only fueled him as he ran a hand under the other's shirt, feeling the smooth expanse covered with a multitude of scars from a troubled past. 

Keith hesitated for a moment, worried that he went to far, but Lance hummed a pleased sound. He placed his hands at the back of Keith's neck, deepening the tender kiss. Keith savored the moment just a second longer before parting, leaving a sliver of space between them.

"I- I still have to tell you what happened..." Keith was cut off by Lance pressing his hand on his mouth.

"Are you ready to tell me?" Lance asked, moving his hand to brush hair from Keith's face.

Keith opened his mouth, but hesitated. He pulled away from Lance and sat at the edge of the bed. They just lost Shiro. If he got Lance to remember Marf, Lance could end up in a much worse condition. Lance covered his emotions surprisingly well, but even Keith could feel his grief. Before, he was worried the only reason Lance liked him was because they were stuck together. That and his memory loss erasing any of those emotions. 

Yet, here they were, untouched. Of course, that didn't stop the insistent nagging in the back of his head saying otherwise. Then there was the whole part Altean deal, which even Keith didn't fully understand. He turned back to Lance, who had sat up behind him, without a single decision in mind.

With the lack of a response, Lance just smiled tiredly, "Then I don't mind waiting. I have you and you have me. That's all that matters right now." Lance moved a hand Keith's face, brushing the dark hair behind his ear.

The gesture made Keith smile despite all that had occurred just within the past few days. He leaned forward to rest his forehead on Lance's. "I-" Keith paused, unsure if he should say it. 

"What?" Lance asked. His voice startled Keith. Backing away, he stared at Lance with wide, frightened eyes.  _I love you_ was what he almost said. A part of him still wanted to. Keith pushed his feelings into the furthest corners of his mind. 

"I want to at least tell you most of it," He quickly reverted back to the original topic, to safely hide any hint of his almost slip. Lance opened his mouth to refuse, but Keith cut him off. "No, it's only right. These are your memories and... well, your feelings."  Keith's face was burning hot. 

"Okay. We can wait a while if you need it."

"No!" Keith snapped a bit to loud and rough. Lance flinched, backing away from Keith. He didn't look scared, but was definitely shaken. Although Keith didn't know the extent of Lance's past, he did know that Lance had dealt with some sort of abuse. A bitter taste rose from the back of his throat. "I'm sorry, Lance, I didn't-"

"It's fine," Lance let out a nervous chuckle. "What can you tell me now?"

Keith breathed deeply before speaking, "I know why your hair is turning white. I don't know how it happened, but there's no doubt in my mind after all that happened on Zryraz."

Lance ran a hand through his hair, laughing, "What? Am I Altean?" His mouth upturned into a disbelieving smile. Keith kept quiet, but didn't break his gaze from Lance. The playfulness dropped from Lance's expression. "No shit. I'm-" Lance finished his sentence by pointing at himself. When he saw the look on Keith's face he just looked down at his hands in shock. "Whoa."

"Yeah," Keith breathed. He looked down at his purple hands. He had forgotten the state he was in. Lance treated him so normally in this form that Keith could forget it in an instant. He concentrated willing his body back into its human form. He got the vague feeling of Lance staring at him. He looked back and sure enough he was.

"Do you think I'll be able to do something like that?" Lance wondered out loud. 

Keith hummed in thought, "Possibly. I mean you can heal people and talk telepathically."

"That's a joke, right?" Lance said with large eyes.

"How do you think I got here, Lance? I was on the brink of death. I almost  _died_. You saved me." Keith had to stop to breathe before continuing. "And when you did, you-" Keith choked on a sob. He hated being this weak.

"I died, right?" Lance suggested. Keith's mouth parted in the beginning of a question, but he continued. "I may have heard you say that while you were sleeping. Sorry. But, um, is that why we have the same scar on our hands?"

Lance shoved his hand into Keith's. A scar etched a pale, white C-shape on his palm. Keith lifted up his hand to compare. The scars were exactly the same despite a slight difference in color. Keith's was slightly mottled and pink. It was most likely due to the fact that it was his injury first. It had ruined his gloves.

"Yeah, it is," Keith replied a bit numbly. He wondered how many other scars they shared.

Lance exhaled slowly, "I can't believe it. I'm an alien. And a strange one at that! I don't think either Coran or Allura can heal people. Oh, I'm going to have to tell them won't I?! I wonder how many part-Alteans are on Earth then. It can't just be my family."

Keith was taken back by Lance's revelation. He hadn't even thought of that. There was a high chance that the Alteans survived in some weird way. A small ping sounded from the small, orange device set on the ledge by the bed. Keith glanced at Lance. 

He was still in  the midst of his rambling, too occupied to hear the notification. Keith grabbed it and turned it on. He frowned, confused on how the phone worked in space. He tapped the message open, chuckling when he read the name. Now it made sense. 

**The Green Pidget** _Lance! For the love of Kaltenecker! GO TO BED! Oh and tell Keith I said hi ;)_

Heat rose from his chest and all the way to his face. He looked back over at Lance whose face was just beginning to flush from his rant. Sighing, he shut the device back off and set it aside. 

"Lance," Keith tested looking back up. 

"Huh," responded Lance with wild eyes that were most likely driven from sleep deprivation. Just the sight alone let Keith smile.

"Breathe," Keith stressed, "I'm sure there is still a few hours until we are supposed to be up. So how about we take care of this in the morning?" Biting his lip, Lance nods, but his eyes appeared glazed over and distant in thought. Suddenly, as if snapping out of a daze, he looked to Keith and smiled. "What?" Keith laughed out quietly. 

Pulling Keith back to lie in the bed, he replied lightly, "Oh, just thinking." The bed groaned as if in response. 

"That's dangerous." Keith chuckled as he saw Lance's face morph into dismay.

He opened his mouth to retort, but paused as he mulled over the statement once more. "Hmm, yeah, I suppose. I can think of a few things that are quite dangerous." His lips twisted into a smug smirk as he moved to hover over Keith. His face flushed, but he kept his mouth in a firm line. He felt determined to not seem flustered. His mind raced with thousands of replies but none seemed fitting. 

"You are not intimidating." Keith immediately cringed.  _Not enough_. 

Quirking an eyebrow, Lance hummed and leaned down to press his lips against the juncture between his neck and shoulder. He bit softly, sucking his own mark into his skin. Keith shuddered at the searing heat and bit his lip to withhold any noises from slipping out. Yet, he tilted his head back to expose more of his neck. Lance chuckled at the notion. The vibrations sent liquid heat to pool low in his body. 

Suddenly, a warm, wet feeling slid over the mark. The action surprisingly soothed the tender skin. Lance continued this slowly up his neck and along his jaw. He lowered himself onto Keith and wrapped his arms around his body. His hand stopped at the center of his back. Lance tightened hold, allowing their bodies to completely align. Finally, Lance's lips found his own, sealing them in a deep kiss. Though Keith knew of their slight ineptitude with kissing, it still sent him reeling. 

Despite wanting to go further, Keith's mind was sluggish and begged for sleep. If they were to ever go further, he wanted to actually be awake for that. As his body begged for air, they parted with an audible pop. In the low light, blue eyes found his. His pupils were blown wide and left only a thin ring of blue. Their stare was nothing short of showing their intense craving something more. 

"So, um, what were you thinking? Earlier, I mean," Keith asked, barely recognizing his own voice due to its husky sound.

"Ah, nothing too important. Just, uh," Lance paused, his eyes drifting down Keith's face, "wondering how I got you." Lance looked away, smiling sheepishly. His heart clenched. All this time he spent worrying about losing Lance, he never once tried to see it from his perspective. Keith just wondered, how much  _did_  he mean to Lance? 

As Keith's silence lingered, Lance looked up. Keith only grinned, his heart swelling with overwhelming emotions. He only hoped it conveyed his message.

_Lance, you've had me since the beginning._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who has ever left kudos, commented, or even just read any part of this fic, I just want to say you guys are amazing! This story would have never made it this far without you. Especially to you who have made it this far through my hectic updating schedule and poor excuses. I honestly love every single one of you guys!! Every single comment just makes my day to know there are people out there that enjoy my writing. 
> 
> I want to thank you all for having so much patience with me. This chapter took me so long to write despite it being so short xD But I hope to get more out as soon as possible and get the story back on track. And please leave some criticism because this was one tough chapter! Once again I love you all!!! <3


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